Biggest regret?
Didn't focussed on physical fitness during my mid-late teens. Now I have so much belly fat that I myself feel so shameful to ask anyone (even randomest of the random)out. Here's my guilt-filled story of my fitness:
Tldr: It's about me not able to make myself fit for a girl, that I feel despite achieving everything else I have nothing.
I was actually quite ill due to pneumonia at around age of 12 (class 8-9 I guess), and during that I was on full bedrest mode, so gained a lot of weight during that time. Though I didn't let it affect my studies and skills, so I gave FTRE(fitjee's entrance exam in those times), shined in it and got 100% tution scholarship, and it shined mine and my parents' hope to crack IIT-JEE. So I joined their 4-yr program.
During 9th class I had a batchmate who looked quite pretty and not this, she topped every of our phase test, and was smart. I got a deep crush on her, but was obviously shy and reluctant to tell her about my thinking always. What really ignited me for her was after 2 phase tests, I struggled to get even in top 20s, and asked her about her secret. She barely said "Just practice more"(that's just what she really said) and Idky since then I tried hard and Got into top 5 since then We then competed with each other (Me getting almost always in top 5 or 10, but she always 1st), but I still never tried to show any feelings except that of an aspirant one, since whenever I looked myself into the mirror I felt ashamed of myself to look too ugly and undeserving of her.
After 10th, she wanted to pursue medical, so she left our centre while I stayed. Fast forward to 2021, I got a good rank (to say the least, but was expecting much better) and Got into a good JAC college, but was heavily struggling to maintain my fitness. Now, today, I have a decent placement (as a final yr student), but I still couldn't confidently say if I even deserve a marriage, I feel too bad about myself. And all this time, to be honest, I still recall and miss that prodigy girl whom I met in class 9. She was really the only girl I had my heart put forth for, ever in my life. She's the only one I think I know what falling in love feels like.
Also, I tried to put myself in shape and pack some muscles, but despite my trying my college put forth a huge academic burden on me, always keeping me on assignments. So, I wasted my 4 years not making myself into shape.
Now, I only think if I should have just confessed her, and if only I could have just sacrificed my grade for my fitness (honestly saying btw, the Goldman Sachs tag I have put forth has nothing to do with my cgpa that much, I am already below 8cg) to have guts to approach her now.
Thanks for reading my story, if you reached this far. I really wanted someone to express my yapping story to. I don't have many friends, and none of those handful, I think, would understand my mind.
Never asked anyone out
