An Incel, A failure, Writing this here, before l decide to go.
I spent my whole life, studying. It wasn't enough. I didn't liked playing outside, so a point came I thought children playing outside never liked me. They played in their groups
I lost JEE, landed a tier 2 CSE College, could have opted for tier 1, but no, I was blindfolded by my own ideas. My peers of coaching, who were once behind me cracked IIT with under 500 ranks.
College was a poison, and tbh, I didn't worked hard enough,No Friends,rarely visited home because it was way more toxic.
My job, yeah, grateful I got the PPO, but didn't studied anything for 1 year, due to being lazy. My peers who also got PPO there, studied hard and got into companies with 45+ CTC.
I earn 8 LPA. And Tbh, I am shit person for not being grateful for it.
In my whole life of 24 Years, I was always rejected, of course I could have worked more on gym, and my personality. But yeah, I thought giving everything to career, was necessary. I failed.
I saw people around me in love, holding hands, and thought one day, I will love my madam the same way.
It's been 2 months, my brain has given up, I don't want to wake up, I just want to leave soon. I am alone, far away from home. I seek love, even though I don't love myself, just full of disgust the moment I look myself. I wish my parents got a better son, not a loser.
I don't wanna vent anymore, I don't wanna breathe anymore, I don't wanna see anymore.
I only wanted a family of my own, how it ever felt being in love.
My poems, are dying, my photography, I don't wanna do it anymore, my sketches that once made people smile, my pen doesn't have enough warmness now.
I wanted to feel the emotion I was born with. I wanted to live again.
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Dude, sounds like you are in severe depression. Go see a psychiatrist ASAP. The doctor will give you medication which will take away your suicidal thoughts, and will give you the energy to function again.
You are still very young, at the beginning of your career. You have decades of your entire life ahead of you to improve your life.
Stop comparing yourself to your peers, and just focus on improving your own life. Comparison is just useless and a thief of joy.
Some people find their true love in their 30s, or 40s, 50s etc.
You have not failed in your life. You have hardly begun your life. The rest of it is ahead of you.
Get treatment for your mental health, work harder on your job and learning, and your life & career will improve 100%. It might take you a few years to catch up to 45 lac+ salary, but it will happen eventually.
You just have to continue and fight through life. Life is not easy, but people who refuse to give up, eventually succeed.
But step 1, go see a psychiatrist ASAP for your depression and suicidal thoughts. Your turnaround and the rest of your long life begin today. Good luck 👍
Love yourself first then everything will come in place and don't compare your life with others, it's your life your time your efforts. Set a goal work for it, u yourself said u been lazy 😅, change it, u know what is wrong in you.
I have done it enough, I am tired
How can a man of consciousness have the slightest respect for himself - Dostoyevsky
Aaja ek J fukle mere saath 🌿
Bro location? 🤪
bhai fukte fukte meri progress ruk gai.
Bhai. It's just a phase.
I'm older than you and have seen worse than you are at.
Just leave all these. Have a trip.
Join some group, morning walk jogging groups, join alone to a group tour.
You are just caught up within your mind. Conquer it.
Don't stay closed in your mind jail.
If possible, take a therapy session, 1to1help.com generally provides free session for corporates, see if you have it in your org.
It's just a phase it'll pass.
Don’t want to compare things but I have a very similar story. The only difference is I have started working bit by bit towards betterment. Progress is slow and frustrating but trust me, one you embrace the process and stop being scared about how other people might judge you, you will do wonders! Don’t lose hope - mehnat karne se ho jata hai!
Look a lot of achievement is hard work, true, but there is an element of dumb luck no one can write off
If you gave things your best shot, you should be proud of that. You have learned and grown.
Don't swear the outcome. But respect the process
*sweat the outcome haha
Hey, I have been where you are. I have wanted to die in the past 10 years. I am earning half of my potential, but what’s keeping me afloat is my responsibilities. My parents need me. They don’t have anyone else who can support them. My coping mechanism is smoking…
Remember brother-
And you have miles to Go before you sleep...... ~ R. Frost
