AITA: Breaking up with my(26F) boyfriend(26M) after my parents found an arranged match for me?
I (26F) have been dating my college sweetheart (26M) for 4 years. We met during BTech in India where we both studied Computer Science. After graduation, I moved to the US for my Masters and landed a job at FAANG, while he continued working in India.
Here's where things get complicated. My parents recently started pressuring me about marriage. When I told them about my boyfriend, they were completely against it.
Their reasons:
- I have a Masters, he doesn't
- I'm making significantly more money than him ($160k vs ₹28LPA)
- They're worried about potential in-law issues since traditionally in our culture, wives earning more than husbands often face constant criticism.
- They've found a "perfect match", same caste, MS from Northeastern, working at AWS Seattle, family is "very progressive".
My boyfriend and I had plans. He was going to come for his MS and then try for his H1B on his STEM-OPT, or I'd eventually move back. But my parents' concerns aren't entirely baseless. I've seen my cousin face constant taunts from her in-laws because she earns more than her husband.
The new guy seems decent on paper. We had a few video calls, and he seems respectful of my career. His family is explicitly okay with me continuing to work.
Yesterday, I broke up with my boyfriend. He was devastated and said I was choosing money and status over love. He called me materialistic and said I was letting my parents control my life. I am in India right now on a Diwali break. He keeps calling me and asks me to meet with him. What should I do?
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your boyfriend dodged a bullet (you). good for him
How exactly is it OP'S fault?
OP is a selfish person. Just accept it. Mostly you will have a decent marriage until you won't. Your ex in India will move on. You will however always second guess your love life while your ex won't. You won't get closure while your ex will.
A decent thing to do will be to make it work. What is life but making those large strides to make difficult things happen. Feel sorry for these gold digging people.
How pathetic!! Give someone dreams and then break it all to pieces because parents!! Don’t give anyone hopes if the decisions of your life are not in your own hands.
I hardly doubt it. Especially considering how Indian men literally kick their wives out of home if their mom throws a temper tantrum.
Ya...looks like your dad is Indian too...what if he kicks out you too (along with your mom). But don't worry...you will get better with time. Time heals. And Karma comes into picture...sooner or later.
Bol do you will get better, and i am sure he will. Give him a proper closure and move on
I think parents are just an excuse and reason you wanted to justify breaking up with him for someone who can match your "status". If this post is real and if you are not just a troll that means you are just seeking validation from comments. Maybe you loved him and all during college, but now what you are feeling is not love its guilt. Guilt of hurting someone for your whinny selfish reasons. Also another thing according to Purchasing power parity is almost same, you can make ur parents understand that he is actually earning almost the same as you without masters degree so they shouldn't worry about the non existent salary difference.
Yes, you are a AITA.... you are the reason independent girls are also called gold diggers... Really hate your kind
Hi @Heart
I have a few questions which can help you get clarity.
- Do you think he is incapable of taking a stand for you in front of taunts from in laws?
- Do you doubt his parenting? If not, why are you doubting his parents. (Just because it happened with someone else??)
- What type of pleasure/status does him having master degree gives you/your family?Is it something which can't be achieved with time?
- Do you think there is a time in the future where he will earn significantly more than you? If yes, then why are you thinking short term.
- Do you guarantee yourself that "perfect match" would have better compatibility with you emotionally and would respect you in all up and downs is a better human at the core? Can you surely answer this after knowing a person for 4 years vs 4 months.
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Honestly, I know he would stand up for me. Throughout our 4 years together, he's always been protective and supportive. I've seen him handle difficult situations with maturity, including standing up to his own family on other issues. I might be unfairly projecting my fears onto him.
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You make a valid point about generalizing from my cousin's experience. I've never actually met his parents properly (only video calls), yet I'm assuming they'll be like my cousin's in-laws. He comes from a educated family and has always shown progressive values. Maybe I'm letting one negative example cloud my judgment.
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The Masters degree... you're right. It's more about status for my family than actual capability. He's brilliant at what he does, and nothing stops him from pursuing higher education later if he wants to. I realize now I'm prioritizing a piece of paper over years of proven competence and character.
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This really struck me. He's incredibly talented and hardworking. The salary difference is mainly because of geographic location, not capability. If he moves to the US or even continues growing his career in India, there's every possibility he could out-earn me. I am thinking very short-term.
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This is the hardest truth to face. How can a few video calls and "perfect on paper" credentials compare to 4 years of actually experiencing someone's character? I've seen him handle stress, celebrate my successes without ego, support me through tough times, and grow together. I know his core values, his flaws, and his strengths. With the arranged match, I'm basically gambling on surface-level compatibility.
Mann, these questions and the replies✨
