Confessions11mo
by GroovyDumplingSoftware Engineer
Friends in Bangalore
Can someone tell me how to meet up new and genuine people in Bangalore ? I feel like talking in person, am I overthinking?
Adulting
on
ZippyBoba
Advice on meeting new people at 35+
Hey Folks. Here for some advice…
Context: I’m 37. MBA+Engg Grad working. Big Blr Startup. Good Role in Biz. Married (Started dating 12 years back & then got married).
I’m an extrovert/fairly social (Mostly hang out/around other people/friends around a similar life stage - age/work). Most of my friends from School, Engg & B-School are all over the place (we meet once in a year types), no one in Bangalore. Hanging around with people at work is not something I like to do more than once in a month. My wife, on the other hand, has a good set of friends, with whom I hang out quite regularly (guys & girls).
For a while now, I’ve been thinking of investing some time into making friends/building relationships outside of my social circle (Not that I’m looking to cheat on my wife, but then sometimes it’s good to hang out with people who aren’t your partner’s friends or are already part of your existing work/social circle).
In short - I’d like to meet unconnected new people. And I’m realizing that at my age, it’s not so easy to do so without seeming creepy.
About a year back, I met an ex-colleague (28F) over drinks (She was in town and asked if we could meet) - Super attractive and smart. It has 12+ years since I’ve randomly met anyone from the opposite sex alone for a meal/conversation (outside of a work meeting). At first, it was super awkward - uncomfortable pauses, loss of words, asking dumb questions, etc. Luckily, in a bit, alcohol kicked in and then it got much better… We still text & meet if we’re in each other’s cities with some time to spare. That’s when it hit me that I was good at making small talk, but have no idea what to talk about when it’s someone who’s some 10+ years younger. Seems like another generation (which it probably is)… While I felt so, I must also admit, I had a great time to be honest - the conversations were energizing/different and to be honest, a tad exciting too.
1/2
12mo ago
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BouncyCupcake
Stealth12mo
Why all the ‘unconnected new people’ you meet, have to be women (‘all smart and good looking’) 😂
You are right, this does seem ‘creepy as hell’, and hope your wife knows who you are meeting (as a basic courtesy)
ZippyBoba
Stealth12mo
In the past 2 months, 2 women (25F - work colleague and 27F - someone I know socially. Both smart and good looking) have approached me saying, “Let’s catch up some time”. In fact, both of them have also messaged about when we could possibly meet in the coming week (They made the first move/messaged first).
I’ve now started making plans to meet one person over coffee and the other over a drink (one this weekend and then the next). I've not been on any new age dating platforms - Tinder/Bumble, etc., so this is all quite new to me.
Given my last experience, I’m fairly anxious and don’t want this to bomb. Any tips?
Caveat - Mostly so busy that I don’t even have time to properly respond back on texts/whatsapps so it’s not like I know much about these people at the moment. Neither do I have time/energy to invest in doing so.
2/2
BubblyCupcake
Stealth12mo
Seriously bud. Here I was getting ready to introduce myself and then I see, I am neither young, smart and attractive and, especially not an F.
BubblyBagel
Razorpay12mo
That "kick" is what snowballs into cheating. Plus better to be safe as it might introduce toxicity in your marriage. If you have a hobby, pursue that and join WhatsApp/FB/reddit communities. It will be better if you hang out with bros rather than girls younger than your wife.
ZippyBoba
Stealth12mo
Yes. I partially agree to your viewpoint. It could cause issues.
But I still feel I should try it out, nevertheless. Might be good, might be bad. Won't know until you try it. Don't want to live with regret.
Maybe, it's just my mind wanting to prove to myself that I've got what it takes to impress these women.
If the ultimate intention was to cheat or have sex with someone random, there are way more options TBH.
ZippyBoba
Stealth12mo
To be honest, I don't really have so much time to also invest into this to make it a long term thing outside of my work, family and other things.
SquishyBanana
Freelancer12mo
Sorry don't understand this. I'm almost same age never felt this urge to "make new friends" now. Already have lots of friends(School , Colg, work) , and making new friends is not even on to-do list when you have so much else to do(work, family, hobbies etc) ? .
Seems like either you are unhappy with marriage or work or feeling plain "tharki" . Either way this is not going to end well.
FuzzyNugget
Stealth12mo
What's wrong with that?
SquishyBanana
Freelancer12mo
Marriage might suffer , job might suffer . The other person all might suffer . So what’s the point ?
BubblyBiscuit
Stealth12mo
I'm half your age and I find this VERY creepy. Cannot imagine a 40 approaching man to suddenly feel like making friends(females more so), especially since you happen to have some already. You have mentioned females, young, beautiful, dating apps when you're making a post about "meeting people/making friends".
As someone mentioned above, I hope your wife knows and is cool with it, this seems like a recipe for disaster from the outside to be honest.
ZippyBoba
Stealth12mo
Let's talk 20 years down the line... 🤐
And yes, my wife knows that I am meeting someone from work/college junior, etc. She has her guy friends too.
BubblyBiscuit
Stealth12mo
Idk man.
Wouldn't be too happy if my wife is looking for handsome/young men in her 30s on anonymous platforms because life got monotonous. The issue is not with finding friends even if they are with the opposite gender, the thing that irked me was you're specifically looking for younger females which I'm guessing is for validation solely(I'm hoping at least).
I wish you the best though.
DerpyWaffle
EY12mo
I like how you didn't censor your mind, but the direction is not what you started with
SillyRaccoon
Shell12mo
I'm older than you and I can understand where you come from against the relatively much younger crowd here. It does and will get lonely past 35 once you settle down personally and professionally. And you find out that your office friends are only acquaintances more than friends so you can only meet in social gatherings. Ideally, you have to maintain 3 lives - your life as an individual, as a couple and as a family (if having kids). To avoid that, start getting into hobbies such as walking, book clubs etc.. that you like and you will start to meet new folks once you interact with people. If you're out of Bangalore, happy to meet along with anyone else interested here.
SqueakyMuffin
Swiggy12mo
I am not as old as the OP but I do understand the sentiment.
I can already feel the dilution of relations, friends who are married are busy in their married lives and unmarried ones are looking to get married.
Also energy levels are reducing significantly, quite drastically in some folks.
Suddenly kids start calling you uncle and college graduates look way too young to bond with.
By the time you are 35, you are married for a good 5-6 years (dating even longer), kid school has started school etc. So nothing much to do there. It has become a routine.
I can totally understand what OP is talking about, but the key is to understand how to take the right road.
Like Buddha said -
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you"
SqueakyMuffin
Swiggy12mo
I hope you come out of the black and white mindset and start seeing the Grey. Generally time does that.
Life would always present 2 choices. All depends on what you choose in the end.
But recognition of the two choices is important.
SparklyNoodle
Freelancer12mo
If you are open to meet people from your gender, then you can meet people in hobby clubs, sports club, any online activity groups
ZippyBoba
Stealth12mo
Open to suggestions. Do let me know if you have tried something interesting.
SparklyNoodle
Freelancer12mo
Years ago I joined multiple trekking groups and for continuous 7 months was out on Trek each Sunday, made many friends some are still in touch.
Also for 2 years did courses on mythology and ancient Indian culture, there also made many friends, still in touch with them before COVID did couple cultural tours
Just see what you like and join the herd
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