Advice for arrange marriage

(these thoughts are of mine as a 28M whose parents are actively looking for marriage proposals)

Fam I feel you I have been pushed into the marriage aspect initially it was cool, I'm at a good package 5% less than yours I'm 28 kind of on the heftier side because I like lifting weights and I don't say no to a tasty treat too.

First things first if you're on the matrimony portal then it's similar to offer hopping on both the sides so you can be the first, second, third or like 5th choice guy.

The most of the families on the other side is expecting you to earn more than what their combines household have earned in their entire life till date but also expect you to not ask for "gifts" quite contradictory expectations.

Then comes the talking stage they asses if you have ever been in relationship or not if not then you're an easy target and they use the right words and statements to make you feel special and then once they make you habituated to them they open up about their "past".

Then comes another batch who is solely focused on how much they can show off to the society that their "partner" earns this much has this much property, looks this good etc etc. They plan how you will go on expensive honeymoon and how you will buy another apartment because the current one was bought with a different mindset than theirs.

Then comes the good ones which I have not met but some of my friends did during their search and they are happily married since 3 or so years now. I'm happy for them but quite honestly on the personal front I'm not interested in this shit show whatsoever I don't want to entertain the aforementioned people so I keep it to myself if my parents ask me if I found someone I just say I didn't noone is interested in me.

Again it's my personal experience till date and maybe it will give you a rough idea about how things are on the negative side maybe you would find some positive insights too.

Worst case scenario you already know about how men are being off'd post marriages

As a 26F, below were the questions I had asked my partner.

1. What are your religious beliefs n do u celebrate festivals cuz u like it? (I was lil religious that time n I used to get excited during festivals n I wanted him to respect my beliefs) - his ans was he doesn't belive in God but will respect whatever I do.
2. Are you satisfied with ur education and job? - satisfied with education n looking for switch cuz current job is not good. Discussed little abt job to get a perspective that he is interested in working
3. Do u have any career dream apart from your current job? - his ans was teaching n then he told me that he used to take classes as well for few years. Mine was same I love teaching
4. Do u want kid?
5. I don't care if you had past or not. But if u had i don't want any contacts
6. Do you feel we both can plan things if we get married - personal, financial. Or are u looking to have discussion with everyone in family We discussed about few netflix series, songs , fav food, I told him I had never tried drinking and would like to experience atleast once after marriage

Go for a housewife type girl. You will find 10 options, you can learn about them and compare and choose the most convenient one. Don't go for a career girl whether she make 3lpa or 30lpa. She and her family will ruin your life.

This might help you man!

Don’t be needy for marriage and depressed on rejection be confident.

Tell the girl you don’t have job security and you might lose lob and will she support you.( red /green flag)

What do you look for partner ? Matured person who will support you in life, respect your family, Want to work hard etc.

1. Get to know about things which can cancel the relationship out first. Like horoscope. Smoking non smoking. Drinking etc
2. Get to know them deeper. Starting from 3rd meet. Do you've physical, emotional and mental compatibility
3. Understand what they want out of the process? A companion or is it because of family pressure
4. Meet parents and siblings understand the upbringing and values part

It is a process. Remember it's not reflection of who you're. Rather it shows how the world works. It starts of with transaction and then you get emotionally attached.

Good luck my friend.

Ask for STD panel and if she has had any abortions in the past. Horoscopes aren't even a big deal.

Horoscope is the most stupid criteria. I wish everyone starts giving fake horoscope detail, so as to send everyone else on a wild goose chase.

If you keep on seeking opinions and validations from everyone.. then are screwing up ur own life 😂 just go with the flow.. if it works out it is well n good.. if it doesn't then separate and live with the stigma of a divorcee n marry another separated girl.. getting married is a social norm that u must oblige to.. so just do it.. you can take any married couple.. they all regret it but they still try to make it work.. you also will be in the same boat..

Please first check, how she is as a person. This is a very big crucial step which both guy and woman should do.