26M, first arranged marriage experience and honestly a bit confused. Genuine advice needed
Recently met someone through an arranged marriage setup. Overall, the interaction felt good and genuine. Conversation became comfortable after some time and I liked that the person was quite honest.
One thing that got me thinking though — they shared openly about a past long-term relationship and that after a mature/mutual breakup, they still remain on good terms.
Just to clarify before people misunderstand, I’m not judging someone for having a past, and I actually appreciated the honesty/transparency. I think everyone has their own experiences. The confusion is more on my side.
About me for context — I’m 26, introverted, a bit of an overthinker, and honestly pretty new to all this. Never dated before. I’m more of a stable/serious person than someone very socially smooth. I value trust, emotional comfort, genuineness, peace, loyalty and someone I can genuinely feel safe/open with.
Sometimes I also wonder if my personality type makes dating/marriage harder because I’m not the most expressive or naturally charming person, and most people around seem way more experienced in relationships.
This experience also made me think maybe I should not depend only on arranged marriage and should also try meeting people on my own, but genuinely no clue where to even start.
Would really appreciate perspectives from both men and women, especially people with relationship/marriage experience:
- How do you actually evaluate compatibility in arranged marriage beyond obvious red/green flags?
- How should someone with zero relationship experience think about a partner being on good terms with an ex after a mature breakup?
- For introverted/overthinking people — what actually helped you find someone compatible?
Staying in touch after a break up - red flag. Do stay away
If you are a man -
- She is a red flag. Run away.
- As you are introverted/overthinking, dont go for very outgoing and "adventurous" types. You will regret later as you will be one who wont be adapting well.
- Dont pretend to be broad-minded. Most indian males are inherently NOT.
Loved the 3rd point. Facts
Loved the third point, overall a very valuable comment. I’ll say the same, don’t accept or compromise on something which is right by the society but not acceptable by your inner values. You won’t be happy even with a good woman and will always feel conflicted inside.
See if it was a mutual breakup then they can be friends but as you mentioned you never been in a relationship along with that you're overthinker so I would suggest searching for someone else. You'll overthink small small things and it would be a burden on both of you.
I'm F29 btw.
Why to stay as friends? If you got separated.
If the other person got martied and they just get in touch once ir twice a year in text message just to know everything is fine. Then its fine. But if they broke mutually on good terms A big big big red flag. Katlo issae pehle tumhara kate
You should not be afraid to judge people just out of fear that you'll get backlash from retarded and simp public. Past experiences do matter and females cant get it out of their head and mind. It remains stuck to their body and mind. Reason being it's usually out of casual, fun and leaky character in todays world, not a genuine reason like in past like widow, or death. Don't be afraid to think clearly. You'll be staying with them your life, so if you cant discern whory qualities from good character, you're signing up for getting fkd up for life.
Also You didn't like "then being honest". It's a judicial and psychological bypass trick, if you sell apple with poison hidden in them you'll be criminal when things get found out. But if you sell the apples publicly announcing they're poisonous apple, you can't be executed. The only fault in being introvert is you're not aware of how things like these work.
They know what men want, stop being so gullible and letting them fool you so easily. Read between the lines.
My man, run away asap.
There are only 2 cases for going for marriage -
- No past
- If past - then fully clean, deleted like never existed and zero sympathy/feeling even if ex is dying.
Bro if you don't look good, read good looks as jawline and face cut, dating is not easy.
Women are already in relationships from colleges and those who date choose these good face guys and that only happens on dating apps.
It's too difficult to even do small interactions with women as how they may perceive it nowadays
Hello sir could you please refer me. I am a software developer with 2.5 years experience in full stack + aws.
Don’t marry
See just with this we cannot understand if she is a red flag or green, that you need to check, just understand what vibes you are getting from her, if is saying she had past and now broke up with her guy and is no longer in his contact then you can go ahead.
But if she is in his contact then you need to really think if you want to go ahead or not.
