24 M | Struggling with anxiety

Hi,

Turned 24 last month. Diagnosed with subliminal depression. 3 LPA job with toxic work culture and micromanagement. Had a 9 lpa offer in an MNC in 2023, offer rescinded due to cost cutting.

Due to my present job with extremely low pay, I'm having panic attacks almost every alternate day. Office in a location where it stinks. Ants in milk powder and in coffee. Horrible condition. CTO is good, but too much micromanagement and sometimes expected to work on weekends.

The pay is not enough to sustain in a city like Bangalore. Have been cutting down on food to save money.

I have been upskilling, doing DSA (300+ on leetcode), MERN development but not getting shortlisted for interviews.

The worst part is because of depression and constant anxiety, I have isolated myself and sometimes tried to hurt my hands with a knife.

I know this is illogical, but that's what depression does to you, especially when you have no medium to vent out. I have reached out to help, but people are extremely insensitive. When you appear sad, you are bullied and distanced more.

Honestly, I'm not here to be the victim. I'm ready to put in the hardwork and give mock interviews. Just that I need a human presence to help me regain my confidence and at least help with a direction to get better offers. I don't want baby sitting, but maybe pointers to navigate the current job market smartly.

Not sure if this is too much to ask for. It just feels unfair when your college friends who could barely write a single LOC are placed in top product based companies as they had means and resources to cheat, some interns whose intern offer got converted just because they had connections in the industry.

If anyone has been through this, please share your thoughts on how to cope with this.